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We have been studying James' response to actual problems that Spirit-filled believers in the early church were facing due to a lack of spiritual maturity. These studies have hit so close to home with us because we also face the same problems as we grow spiritually. We tend to romanticize the Early Church and put them on a different level from the church of today, but the Early Church was made up of believers who had been born again but still had to grow in God's grace and Word to overcome their sinful pasts and natures. Our cultures are slightly different, and we live in a different part of the world, but we actually relate more to the Early Church more than we realize. If they had believers who faced these issues, then so will we have them today.

Basically James has already addressed three basic problems in the church. First, there were those who did not want to bring their lifestyles into conformity with the Word of God. They were "hearers only and not doers of the Word." Second, there were the believers who showed partiality, prejudice, or respect of persons. Third, James talked extensively about those who were unwilling to try to submit their tongues to God's ways. These are still problems that people in the church today have to deal with and change to match God's Word.

In chapter 4, James goes on to address another area that the Early Christians needed to work upon. That is people whose relationships in their life -- whether it be their relationship with the boss, spouse, kids, ministry, family, friends, or whatever -- were marked by constant fighting and conflicts. The world has fighting among themselves and no peace with each other, and it is not God's will for His people to be constantly at war with people. James asked:

James mentioned "fightings" which means an individual battle and "wars" which refers to an entire campaign. Some Christians' relationships with people are so many battles that they can be considered to be an ongoing war! This is not God's Will, so God inspired James to give them some information and instruction on this area, so that they could conquer this part of their life. If you feel like that your life is a constant series of battles with certain people, be it your family, friends, or those you work with, then you need to pay special attention to this lesson as this is what the Word of God has to say about it!

The first thing you need to realize is where the conflict comes from. James asked that question and then answered it. Before we move on to the correct answer, notice what James did NOT say. The devil is not mentioned. The devil is not the source of conflict in your relationships. If you have a bad marriage, then the devil is not to blame. If you have certain people that you are constantly at war with, then the devil is not to blame. Neither is God mentioned! It's not church, or the Word of God, or the ministry that's causing problems in you relationships. It's also not somebody else that's causing problems. What is it then? It is my lusts that cause my relationship problems.

"Lust" here means "desires for pleasure." Because we all were born into sin, our sinful nature cries out and desires things that are not God's Will and that are harmful to ourselves. Just as the spiritual man has desires, and there was something in you telling you that you needed something, that something was missing in your life, before you came to God, so does our flesh then lust after the things of the world after we have been born again. The word "desire" here means to have warm feelings for. You can stop committing a certain act. You can even stop sinning, but still have warm feelings for it. You really aren't opposed to it, but you've just given to your conscience to quit it. You really don't think that it's really hurting anything and so you will eventually slip back into the behavior because you have not developed a God-like attitude toward it. Worldly people can stop drugs on their own. They can go to programs and stop drinking or smoking on their own. Worldly people can control themselves enough to stop adultery or embezzlement. They tell them in AA, however, that once you are an alcoholic, you are always an alcoholic. Once you are addicted to nicotine, you will always be addicted to nicotine. They say once a junkie, once unfaithful, once a thief... . But that's because they are doing it on their own. They stop the behavior but they don't develop a God-like attitude toward it! The slip back into the habit because they don't really hate it. They stop doing it for a time, but they still have "warm feelings toward it."

David wrote that he hated those people that went against God's ways with PERFECT HATRED. We as Christians need PERFECT LOVE, because it cast out "fear" from our life (I John 4:18). Perfect love is love from above. It is a clean and pure love. It is loving as God loves and loving what God loves. But we also need PERFECT HATRED. That is hating what God hates. Too many Christians talk about the Love of God but do not really hate sin or the ways of this world like they should. They say they love God, but they have warm feelings toward certain lifestyles or sins. They are not repulsed by what they were. They don't necessarily despise the pit that a lack of truth or a lifetime of living for the world had brought them. Jesus said that "if you love me, keep my commandments." Love is not words but is actions. So is hatred. We need to develop a Godly hate. God hates that which works an abomination. He hates that which is impure. Instead of playing around with sin and trying to justify it, "well I don't feel like that's a sin or that should be a big deal," we should get a Godly view of sin. People who justify sin may have experienced perfect love, but haven't allowed it to bring perfect hate in their life! We should pray and clean our lives up, until what turns God's stomach, turns ours as well. The more Word of God that we obey, the more like God we will think. Perfect Hatred. Hate sin, love the sinner, but don't have "warm feelings" toward certain types of sin.

We are talking about conflicts and wars in our relationships. When you have desires for the pleasures of this world, then it will negatively affect every relationship in your life. Notice that James, writing to born-again believers told them that because of their desire, they "kill." This is not literal murder, but spiritual murder.

Because these people are not getting the desired results in their relationships, then they resort to hating people and putting down on others to try to manipulate their desired relationships into going right. Your relationship with your boss isn't going well, so you begin to talk behind his back to the other coworkers. That's spiritual murder, and we are commanded to pray for him not kill him! Your relationship with your spouse isn't going well, so you use every audience that you get to run them down. You are trying to influence them to do what you want to do but you are doing it the wrong way. You've resorted to murder and that in turn has caused strife and wars and fighting. You're having problems with a kid so you decide to take their side and talk about whatever authority they are in rebellion to. The relationship will only grow worse, you've resorted to spiritual murder.

John said that "no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him." "Abiding" in the Greek means "to remain." You may have had eternal life and had everything right with God, but when you resort to spiritual murder, that eternal life will eventually go away. As you lose out with your relationship with God, your relationships grow worse and worse.

The real problem is that "ye ask not." In other words, rather than pray about it and have the right, Godly attitude, you've decided to take matters in your own hands. That's why it's getting worse.

But some of them and some of you are saying, but I do pray about the situation. And James responds with, "yes, you've prayed, but your prayers weren't answered because your heart wasn't right when you asked." When you took matters in your own hands and began to try to influence your relationships by attacking somebody or something, then God said, "okay, if you want to be in charge, go right ahead." You pray for God to have His will, but your actions are telling Him something else. Actually most people in this situation pray for a certain solution rather than the "will of God." They pray, God let so and so change this and this so that this will happen. That's their will, that's what they would like to see happen. But God's ways are higher and BETTER than our ways. We like to be right and think that we brought about the solution. That is pride. God specializes in bringing about the change in other people in a way that only He gets the glory! That's praise. James is saying, "you are praying but for your own will." You are trying to change God's will to match yours rather than changing your will and actions to match God's!

When you pray for God to move on and change others, but don't want to hear what God says that YOU need to change, then God hates your prayer. Jesus also taught this:

Both men prayed. But verse 11 says that the Pharisee "prayed thus with himself." It was a prayer of pride. It was a prayer of his will, and God did not respond to that prayer.

In the Greek, it only has "adulteresses." The translators added "adulterers" because they didn't understand why James would only be addressing females. The confusion clears up when we realize that just like "murder" in the previous verse was "spiritual murder" through hatred of a brother, that this "adultery" is "spiritual adultery." James is addressing the church which is the "bride of Christ" and referred to as female. Therefore they are "adulteresses." How do we commit "spiritual adultery" by having friendship with the world. "Enmity" means extreme dislike. James is talking about PERFECT HATRED. In other words, by having "warm feelings" for the pleasures of the world, we commit spiritual adultery. Time and time again under Law, the prophets considered for Israel to worship idols to be spiritual adultery. (Psalm 73:27; Isaiah 54:5; Jeremiah 3:8-9, 20; 5:7; Ezekiel 16; 23:37; Hosea 9:1 and many other passages.) In other words, for them to go and worship other things and gods was spiritual adultery under law. But Jesus said:

The law said not to commit adultery. But if you "lust," or "have a desire to" or "have warm feelings toward" then you have committed adultery in your heart. Under the law "spiritual adultery" was going and worshipping other gods and committing acts against God's Word. But under grace, we can commit spiritual adultery simply by having "warm feelings" toward the things of the world. Or as James puts it here "having friendship with the world." You should be very uncomfortable around sin. When people take God's name in vain, it should bother you. When people curse, it should hit you the wrong way. When you see someone commit something against God's word, then it shouldn't be funny, but should trigger that PERFECT HATRED within you. We must get to the place where we hate what God hates, and what repulses God repulses us! Would Jesus watch the things that we watch? Would Jesus tell the jokes that we tell? Would He even stay in the room? Would Jesus hang out with the people and the environment that we do? Then before you answer that question, remember that if you a Spirit filled believer, Jesus is there wherever you are and hearing wherever you go!

God is jealous! We are engaged to be married with Him. When we spend more time with other things. When we are more faithful to earthly pursuits than we are to the things and house of God. When we are willingly to sacrifice our time and money to go places and get things but balk at fulfilling our financial obligation to God, God is jealous!

What does this have to do with our relationships with others? Because the problem is really never our relationship with others, but our relationship with God! When we get the relationship with God right, then our relationship with others will improve and be peaceful! Your relationship with God and your relationship with others are closely related.

Solomon had serious problems in his relationship with women. He just wasn't satisfied with one wife. In fact he had many wives:

Solomon's relationship problems matched and mirrored his problems with God. Solomon was not satisfied with one wife, he was not satisfied with one God! Just as he tried to solve his relationship problems by having many wives, he also tried to solve his spiritual problems by having many gods. James is pointing out that our relationship with God will only be as close as our relationship with those here on earth. You'll never care and love for God beyond your care and love for your spouse, family, or other relationship. Likewise, you will never love other people more than you love God. Why is the divorce rate so high in America? Because too many people are trying to have good relationship with someone without having a good relationship with God. They will mirror each other. John went on to say it like this:

Show me someone who cannot be faithful to God, and you have someone who cannot be faithful to an earthly relationship also. That also applies vice versa. Show me someone who cares less what the Word of God says about their life, and you have someone who cares less what others think about their life, and vice versa. Our relationships on earth mirror our relationship with God! John is saying we must have perfect love, and James is saying that we must have perfect hatred. Our relationships will not improve until we view them through the eyes of God. When we have trouble in our relationships, then God is showing us exactly what we need to improve with our relationship with Him! When we have trouble in our relationship with God, then God is showing what we need to improve in our relationship with others!

But wait! God can help! Grace is favor from God that you do not earn or work to get. In other words, by trying to do it your way, you were trying to earn God's favor but that's not how you get God's grace. You get help in your relationships by humbling yourself! James is quoting Proverbs 3:34 as does Peter (I Peter 5:5). If James wrote to the Early Church that the solution to their relationship problems was to humble themselves and get rid of their pride in trying to do it their own way. If Peter wrote to the church after that it had slightly matured and told them the same thing. If John then wrote in one of the last books of the Bible written in I John and dealt with the same issue. Then I think that we probably need to hear it today! Your relationship problems do not come from the devil or others, but from pride and "warm feelings" toward sin. God can help, but only when you realize that the problem is "ME."

Here's the solution: humble repentance. Submit yourselves to God! Get your problems with your relationship with God right. Work on your relationship with God and the devil will have no power in your relationships! You don't stay home from church to fix family problems. That's only going to make it worse. You make sure your spiritual man is growing. You don't stop fasting and praying because of situations in your life. You shouldn't stop reading the Bible or fellowshipping with your brothers and sisters in the Lord, when you get stressed, that's only making your relationships worse! Rather, the correct response is to draw closer to God.

When you draw closer to God, He will draw closer to you. This is given in a particular order for a reason. If you want to hear from God, then YOU must make the step toward God first. If you want to draw closer to God, then YOU must take the first step. God will meet you, but you have to be willing to first step out. When the prodigal son started home on his own, he found his Father waiting for him. But he had to take the first step. That's what repentance is: taking the first step. Despite eating the fruit and going against the commandment of God, Adam and Eve really didn't repent in the garden. God had to make the first step: "where are you." Adam had some excuses and some blame but not true repentance. How different would things be today if Adam would have canned the excuses and fell to his knees in humble repentance to his merciful God? When God had to make the first step, the result was judgment. If you make the first step, the result is forgiveness! God knows what you have done, but he resists the proud. He gives grace to the humble!

The word for sinners here in the Greek literally means "missing the mark." These Christians had missed the mark in their relationships because of a lack of maturity in their spiritual walk. James reminded them that they had to purify their motives. Get their relationship with God right, and then they would respond correctly in other situations.

"Afflicted" here does not mean self-imposed physical punishment. That's not a correct response because you are still taking matters into your own hands. Some people respond to their realized error by then beating up on themselves and making such statements as "well I've never done anything right anyway," or "I always mess it up" or "I'm not going to reach out and love or have a relationship with anybody." Those are actions are still based in pride, because you are still trying to manipulate and make the change yourself. You are also making those statement to people and not to God.

To be "afflicted" means "to lament or to complain." In other words, you need to verbally admit your wrongdoing. It simply means verbal confession. When you are having relationship problems, laughter and joy are a sign of arrogance and pride. It is not a time to laugh and have joy, but rather a time to weep and pray for repentance. It's time to put it into God's hand and allow Him to be "the prince of Peace."

This is basically a restatement of everything that James has been saying but with additional information: he shall lift you up! But only when you humble yourselves "in the sight of the Lord." You are not appearing humble to impress men and women, for you can appear humble to men, but not be submissive in secret. You are always in the sight of the Lord whether people are around or not. Whether the minister is around or not. Going through the outward motions of repenting does you no good unless you are sincere about changing your life on Monday through Saturday. When you do so you are "lifted up" or exalted in the Spirit of God. In other words, God brings maturity and you will grow higher in God. With that maturity and obedience, of course, comes added blessings!

Notice that James nowhere stated anything that you need to do to change others. The problem in your relationships that are full of strife, is not the other people, but you. Particularly your relationship with God. We don't need a psychiatrist. We don't need anti depressant drugs. We don't need more money or more things or a better job! God will exalt us in due time when we get our relationship with Him as it should be. God therefore uses our earthly relationships to reveal to us the areas that we need to improve in our spiritual walk and uses our relationships with others to reveal to us the areas in the Spirit in which we need work. That's why strife comes into our relationships. The incorrect response is to tear other people down through "spiritual murder," or to go back to or even desire the things of the world and therefore commit "spiritual adultery." The correct response is to lose the excuses, humble ourselves in the sight of God, and truly repent to God. When we do that, God will deliver us from the devil, draw closer to us, and lift us up! Our relationship with others will then improve!