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I read recently of a church who performed an annual Christmas pageant -- a play depicting the traditional Christmas story -- with the children of the church as the characters. It became a big deal with many folks of the town who didn't ordinarily go to church coming to see it every December. One year just hours before the play began, a worried mother call the director with the bad news that her son had a bad case of the flu and would not be able to come play his part. He was supposed to have been Joseph in the play. Frantic, and knowing that they could not postpone the grand event, the director and his help came up with the interesting solution: they just wrote Joseph out of the script altogether. To their great surprise, their impromptu plan worked: not one person of the hundreds that came to see the play even noticed that Joseph was missing. They didn't even notice that the cast was incomplete!

I'm not surprised and I don't doubt that story a minute, because Joseph is the forgotten participant of the Christmas story. We focus on -- and rightfully so -- the baby lying in the manger most of all and there are a myriad of Christmas songs about "Away in a manger" and "Glory to the Newborn King!" We then focus on the shepherds and the wise men and even King Herod. And then there's Mary, somebody that many people probably focus too much on! But think of all the songs that mention her and Jesus. "Silent night, Holy night, all is calm, all is bright. round yon' virgin, mother and child..." Or "What child is this, who laid to rest, on Mary's lap is sleeping?" and then it ends with "the Babe, the Son of Mary." Even the second verse of "O little town of Bethlehem" begins with "For Christ is born of Mary..." And we have even modern classics such as "Mary, did you know?"

But, quick, name me one Christmas song that even in a casual way mentions Joseph! You can't do it, can you? You know why? Because there isn't one. I searched and searched this week. Nobody bothers to mention Joseph. Joseph has been largely forgotten and neglected. He is literally the unsung hero of Christmas. (For those of you wanting to get rich, maybe here's your opportunity: the world needs at least one good Christmas song about Joseph. Maybe something like "Here comes Joseph now, Here comes Joseph now, coming down Bethlehem lane... um, never mind.)

Sure we don't have the multitude of information written about Joseph as we do about Mary and some of the other cast of the first Christmas, but the scriptures do give us several glimpses of his character and life. Sure he had the unfortunate lot to be older when he married Mary and die before Jesus' ministry began and so he misses out on all the miracles and isn't around for the cross and the Day of Pentecost. I understand all that. But he also was more than just a bystander at the event, and there is a reason that scriptures mention him. So in this Sunday before Christmas, let's do something unconventional and not worry with the shepherds and the angels and the wise men and all of that and let's focus on the unsung hero of Christmas. Great songs haven't been written about him yet, but hopefully we can learn something from him that will do great things in our life!

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What do we know about Joseph? We know a few things. We know that he was originally from the town of Bethlehem, not exactly a thriving metropolis and a city that probably didn't have a two-hump camel around. We also know that Joseph was a carpenter by trade and skilled at working with wood and building and repairing things. Evidently somewhere in Joseph's life, he decided to leave the barren and desolate town of Bethlehem and moved to the growing middle-class town of Nazareth. Here, he could at least make enough to provide a living for his growing family. We know from scripture that after Jesus there was at least six more kids, four more boys and two girls. The fact that Joseph and Mary gave the poor man's offering of turtledoves at Jesus' dedication in the temple indicates to us that Joseph was not a man who had gained great wealth through his trade. He worked hard, and made "just enough."

The Bible does infer that somewhere in this carpenter's work at Nazareth, the older single Joseph met the younger single Mary and something sparked. As the days went by they fell in love, and as things were done very differently back then, Mary, just hinted around to her parents about "Joseph" and at the same time, Joseph asked his parents if he could marry Mary and they talked it over and gave their consent. The custom then was for Joseph and his parents to show up at Mary's house and meet with the family and Mary's father and mother would act surprised at the news that Mary's repeated "casual" mentions of "Joseph" had been telling them was coming. The fathers then sat down to hash out all of the details and if everything worked out, then Joseph and Mary were brought before a group of close family and friends and the parents pronounced a formal blessing on their engagement and they were officially considered "betrothed." Such a betrothal was then announced to the village.

The engagement party was a very elaborate ceremony and was very festive and attended by all of the town. It signaled the beginning of a year of engagement for the couple called the Kiddushin. Mary still lived at home with her parents, but all that she owned became the property of Joseph. It was much more binding than present engagements today. Only a bill of divorce could break a Kiddushin and if Joseph had died during the year, despite them not consummating their physical relationship, Mary would have been considered Joseph's legal widow.

This year of engagement seems strange to us but it was an important time in the couple's transition. During the year, the families got to know each other. They worked out a dowry that would be paid for the marriage. They talked of kin folks and even searched the marriage records in Jerusalem to make sure that the couple weren't unknowingly too close in kin. It gave Joseph time to build a house and furnish a place for the couple to live. It gave Mary time to make and sew and form all of the things that a new household needs. And it gave the couple time to "grow in their love for one another."

At the end of the Kiddushin, there would be an actual marriage ceremony called the Huppa. The marriage celebrations in those days would often last for a week or more, and they were very publicized and usually the only social events of the day. At the Huppa, the couple would become man and wife.

In our text in Matthew chapter 1, we find that Joseph and Mary's relationship was still in the Kiddushin stage when the angel appeared to her. But let's look at it from Joseph's side of the story. They were a happy couple, and were full of joy and excitement as they planned their upcoming wedding and future home together. They talked of what they would wear, and who would be there, and how they could make it different than other weddings and they would take walks in the country and talk about their future life together and they were full of the joy and the hopes and the expectation that engaged couples today engage in.

And then in the middle of this happy time, Mary suddenly tells Joseph that she's going to go visit her cousin Elisabeth in the country side of Judea. No big deal; he bids her goodbye and makes her promise to come back soon. But she doesn't come back in a few weeks or even a month. Her stay away stretches into three months and then all of a sudden she's back! He joyously rushes to see her and he's so happy that she's finally back and then there's this shocking discovery that comes from her lips: she -- as the Gospel of Matthew tastefully puts it -- she was "found with child." "Oh, but don't worry, Joseph, I haven't been with another man, but rather the Spirit of God has overshadowed me and this is the very Messiah that we've all been waiting for within me!" And Joseph says "yeah, right!"

Joseph was a devout Jew and a believer of scripture and Jehovah God. He knew the prophecies of Isaiah how that the Messiah would be born of a virgin. But girls had been claiming for centuries to have had virgin births to cover up their mistakes. What kind of fool did Mary think he was, anyway? He knew it wasn't his and yet, "how could she do such a thing?"

Now you and I know that Mary's story checked out. It was Luke who testified and wrote so thoroughly about Mary's strange encounter with the angel, and Luke, remember, was a physician in his day and yet he was completely convinced of the story's accuracy. Isaiah had prophesied it and Jesus' birth fulfilled it, and we know it, but at this point in the story, Joseph does not know that and does not believe it and he feels betrayed and all of his worst fears that surfaced from time to time while Mary lingered away seems to have been well founded! Joseph was angry. He was upset. He was ticked. He probably went to his shop and picked up a hammer and just demolished something! (Sorry, Mr. Goldberg, but your shutters were finished, but they, uh, ran into some problems . . . ) Sure he loved her and sure he cared for her and sure he thought that she was an honest girl, but to believe such a fantasy was too much. And to make matters worse, she had not done this to him when they were just casually talking, but after they were well into their Kiddushin. The whole village has already celebrated their betrothal and is talking and anticipating their upcoming wedding. All his friends already know that he is engaged. All his family has been joyously spreading the news to their kin and friends and now Mary has done just like that girl of the family down the street and had committed adultery and is making up another fantastic story about angels and spirits to try to cover it. She hadn't made any of it up and she really hadn't been unfaithful, of course, but to Joseph's mind at this time it seemed this way.

If they had been in Moses' day, Joseph would have had not decision to make, because Mary would have been taken outside of the village and stoned for adultery. But the Jews were under Roman rule and they said that Jewish people could not just "put somebody to death for violating the law" and so at that time, Joseph had a decision to make between two options:

He could make her a public example. Take her before a Jewish council that all of the public could attend. Charge her with unfaithfulness and adultery and bring her to trial. Such actions would ruin Mary's name and her family's reputation in Israel for forever. He could bad mouth her and get revenge for all of the embarrassment and grief that she was putting him through. Don't think that for a few moments that this option did not seem the way to go. Revenge always seems the best way out when you are hurt and mad.

His second choice was to put her away privately. He would gather two or three witnesses from the elders of the city and quietly sign a bill of divorcement. There would be no hullabaloo or talk. There would be no need for anyone to know the nitty-gritty details. Just tell the family that some of the nuptial issues didn't work out and Mary could go away to live in Judea with her cousin Elisabeth and have the baby there and noone in Galilee would ever know. And Joseph could pick his life up and Mary could hopefully pick her life up and they could begin anew one day with someone else.

The scripture says that:

As his anger cooled, he decided to divorce her as privately as possible. As hurt as he was, he still loved her and wanted the best for her. He wouldn't marry her, but he wouldn't drag her name through the mud either and so Joseph made his decision and would have carried it out except the next verse says:

God showed up and an angel spoke to Joseph that Mary's story was true! What a shocker! Suddenly Joseph had some further decisions to make and it wasn't quite like he had first thought. As he looked at the ruins of Mr. Goldberg's shutters he felt foolish and yet a little hopeful: could it be? Could it really be?

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Most of you know how the rest of the story ends and the Christmas story unfolds. We have already covered most of the other parts thoroughly in past services this month. And yet Joseph's role in the story should stand out to us because it is what I call a "life situation." It was a dark situation in his life. A curveball from left field. He was in the throes of a dilemma that was shattering his heart and dreams. And from the record of this hard moment in Joseph's life, we see ourselves. Because life is full of tough decisions and let downs. Life has it's sunrises but it also has it's cold, cold nights. And life is full of surprises that we would have rather not ever had!

Joseph doesn't say anything in the entire Christmas story. Nothing. Not one phrase in the stable and not one phrase recorded to anyone. But his actions speak volumes to us today. Because in the midst of a very trying and hard situation, Joseph did three very important things. Things that you and I should learn to do when we face those curves of life.

After Mary shared all of her story with Joseph, the scripture says that he "considered these things." The Greek word there means "to meditate upon and consider thoughtfully" It implies a "getting away from the situation" in order to look upon it objectively. The implication given is that Joseph prayed about his situation. Before he did anything, this devout Jew got alone with his thoughts and with God and as he thought of the situation, he poured his hurts and thoughts to God.

There is no substitute for a genuine level of prayer in your life. I'm not talking about repeating a ritualistic phrase or prayer card that someone wrote for you, because stylized prayers do not accurately portray your true feelings and emotions. I'm not talking about a smooth oration with properly framed "thous and shalts" in it. Jesus never spoke in King James English and He does not expect us to either. I'm talking about genuine communication with God where you express your feelings and your griefs and your issues and your hurts with Him. Where your bear your heart and your true self to a God who knows it already but desires to see if you will take the time to get Him involved.

I've been there. Not in the exact circumstances of Joseph, perhaps, but I've been there where my dreams had been crushed and it seemed that the only adjective to describe my existence was "hurt." And I have prayed and been honest with God and I have felt the peace and the joy and the comfort of God's presence come upon me and speak hope and help back into my life. There is no substitute for genuine, heart-felt and soul composed prayer. God does not desire vain phrases and a giving of repetition but rather conversation and a true relationship with us.

And let me say this, true prayer always changes things. Not God, because He is perfect and has no need for change. Not always our situation because it is not always His perfect will for it to come out quite as we have planned. But nevertheless true, heart-felt prayer cannot help but change something, because it will always change us! It was not the will of God to change anything about the situation and Joseph was unknowingly in anguish because he was right in the center of God's will for his life! God wasn't going to change His mind about what He was doing because the salvation of the world rested upon His incarnation into flesh. The thing that needed to change was Joseph's attitude and understanding toward his dilemma. If that would change, then God could work on the rest. Some people who think that God does not answer prayer fail to realize or yield to God trying to change them!

When you are in such a dark spot, remember the importance of prayer is not so much to change God's mind, but to change our attitude and response to our situation! As one author wrote: "sometimes He calms the storm, but other times He calms His child." Prayer changes our mindset to remind us that God is still in control and there is still hope. Prayer places things into perspective. Prayer changes our situation because it changes the way we face our situation and that is the primary benefit of prayer in tough times. Joseph did not do what he at first desired to do in the flesh because he prayed about it. And without his praying, he would have never been able to do the second thing that Joseph did that was so important in his situation and that was that:

Mary really wasn't guilty of any wrongdoing, but at this point, Joseph did not yet know that. As far as he knew, he had been betrayed and he had been wronged and he had been the victim and his dreams had been shattered. The human thing was to have a pity party and then seek to hurt those who had hurt you. It's true that "hurting people hurt people." When we have been hurt by those whom we love the most, the natural impulse is to lash back and try to inflict upon them the same pain that we feel. Most men, even today, if placed in Joseph's shoes would have taken a full ad in the "Nazareth Times" and broadcast Mary's faults far and wide. They would have tried to humiliate her in return for their own humiliation. But not Joseph. Praying about it changed his mind and he decided that, even though she had hurt him the most of anyone in his life, he decided to divorce her privately and spare her the humiliation that he probably thought that she deserved. Forgiveness. Not trying for revenge. Not responding to hurts by trying to hurt in return.

Unforgiveness is a cancer of the spirit that destroys a person for eternity. It was our favorite disciple, Simon Peter who asked Jesus "how many times should I forgive someone if they keep hurting me the same way" and then he hopefully provided an answer: "seven?" To which Jesus responded "no, seventy times seven" or "490 times."

A day? That seems a bit extreme doesn't it? But there's even more meaning there that I don't have time to go into it because God's dealing with the Jews was subdivided into periods of 490 years and so Jesus was really saying "you be as forgiving to others as I have been to this stubborn people who have stoned my prophets and who are about to reject me again." And even though they crucified Him, in the last days the final chapters of the book of Zechariah record that Jesus will return to the Jews again and extend salvation and mercy by reaching out with nail-scarred hands! Forgiveness!

Let me quote a Christian counselor, a Dr. Smeades on the subject of forgiveness:

True healing over a situation can only come if we forgive others. It's not for their sake but for ours! And that is why Jesus said that if don't forgive others, that our past sins will be brought back to our account until we forgive them. Because to not forgive, is to transport ourselves back to a spiritual condition that was largely where Jesus found us, unforgiven and hurt and wounded. If He has forgiven us for so much, and if you have repented of your sins and had them washed away in the waters of baptism, then He has forgiven you of much, then we must turn the other cheek and forgive others.

What you can't see and the most important reason to always forgive, is that unforgiveness blinds you to the reality of the situation. You are not seeing clearly when you look through the eyes of revenge and bitterness. After Joseph prayed and forgave Mary and stopped having his pity party, THEN we find that the angel came and explained that "it is not quite like you thought, Joseph, but God is really working here!" The angel only came after Joseph had made the decision not to seek public revenge but to divorce her quietly. Forgiveness was the avenue that brought the truth of God into his life.

I wonder what would have happened if Joseph would have made up in his mind that he was going to get revenge on Mary for the hurt that she had caused him? I wonder what would have happened if he had made up in his mind to not forgive her and divorce her publicly? I think that Joseph would have never gotten the visit from the angel and he would have taken himself right out of the script of the first Christmas play. God could have taken care of the mother and child without him. God will not bless unforgiveness, and so unknowingly Joseph was helping himself the most when he chose to forgave. Because he forgave, he would get to hold and see the Son of God. Because he forgave, he would one day see Jesus as a twelve year old boy correcting and preaching to the doctors of law in the temple. Because he forgave, he would hear the wondrous things said about his child by the prophet and prophetess at the temple, and get to see the wise men come in and bring gifts and hear the shepherd's story of angels appearing and a message of peace and glory. The greatest story that was ever told and he had a prominent part to play, but only because he was willing to forgive!

How true is it that in your darkest moment of hurts and pains and rejection, that usually you are the closest to the will of God in your life. And God has a script of glory and power and honor and blessing for you to witness, but you either script yourself into His future for you or you write yourself off depending upon whether or not you will forgive others. Unforgiveness is the spiritual flu that almost cut Joseph out of the first Christmas play and is the disease that most often cuts us out of the plan and blessings of God. But learn a lesson from Joseph today and "forgive!"

The final actions of Joseph speaks volumes also and that is that:

Our text in the first chapter of Matthew says:

As one preacher said: "understand, common sense had told him not to believe her. Self defense told him not to do it. Convenience told him not to do it. Pride told him not to do it. But God told him to do it. And Joseph obeyed."

Because it was the word of God, Joseph did what he was told and in doing so placed himself in the blessing and honor of God. He married Mary and oh, how the tongues must have wagged in Nazareth. Some people have tongues so long that they can lick the skillet on the back porch while standing at the front door, and they have nothing better to do and no importance or relevance in their life rather than to spread and listen to junk about everybody's life. The scriptures say that such people are an abomination to God! If you are one of those people who are drawn to such trash, why don't you get a life and do something meaningful with your existence like build people up or teach them a Bible study or something?

But they exist now and they existed then and Joseph had to hear it because he did what God had said. And it was not easy. He had to live in the house with a woman that he loved and yet he could not consummate the marriage until the baby was born. And then he had to take the trouble to get her to Bethlehem with him. I've often wondered why Mary did not just stay in Nazareth with her parents and save herself a 200 mile donkey ride? What sense did it make to go to Bethlehem, but could it be that her family had disowned her? Could it be that she had to go with Joseph because he was her only care? And so Joseph had to go to great expense and labor to have her with him and then endure the childbirth where he is the only person there to help his wife in the stable. And yet because he obeyed God and did what the angel had said, he unknowingly fulfilled ancient scripture about where Christ was to be born! The wise men and the shepherds would have come to an empty stable if Joseph had not done what God had asked without question, even when it seemed like a lot of work and even though he did not full understand why!

And then there are the two years that he had to become a fugitive of the law and take the child and mother and flee to Egypt from Herod's wrath. He never asked to live in Egypt. He never wanted to spend two years away from family and friends and among strangers, trying to eke out enough living to survive. But that was what God said to do, and then when he returned he was sensitive and obedient to the voice of God again to go to Nazareth so that the scriptures might be fulfilled that the Messiah would be called a "Nazarene." He didn't understand that, but thank God he just obeyed what God's Word had told him to do, even though it meant great sacrifice and discomfort.

We do not have to depend upon angels for a Word from God and Peter wrote that we have an even "more sure word of prophecy" in the written Word of God (2 Peter 1:19). And yet how many people choose not to obey the Word of God in the dark dilemmas of their life? How many people will obey the Word of God to a point but not if it costs them sacrifice or hardship? Not if it singles them out and makes them stand out and have to endure some things in order to obey. But such people unknowingly take themselves out of the will of God and the blessings that He had planned for them, because only through obedience to what God has said, even through hardships, will we receive all that God has for us!

What did Joseph receive in return? Only a closer fellowship with God than he ever imagined. I wonder if it ever hit him as he thought on all the things that he had learned and heard that the God he was praying to, was in the next room in the house? If he did not realize it then, he will one day as he kneels before the very image of the one who grew up in his home in heaven and sees that there was a purpose to it after all. And as he looks around at the millions who will spend eternity in glory, he will realize the magnitude of what he was really involved in.

Maybe it never hit him the irony of placing a hammer and nails in his son's hands and instructing him on how to drive them. Maybe it never occurred to him, as Joseph instructed his first-born son on how to carry a tree on his back from the woods to the shop, that one day Jesus would assume that familiar position and would trudge toward a hill called Golgotha. It probably never occurred to Joseph that as he lectured Jesus on the importance of placing the door of the house in an accessible place and how that it must be agile enough to easily permit others into it yet made strong enough to withstand an enemy trying to get in, that Jesus' mind was on a future sermon where He would say "I am the door!" I doubt that Joseph realized that as he showed his son the importance of making yoke for the oxen light and well fitting, that Jesus was filing it away for a very different use than a carpenter's shop in Nazareth. I doubt Joseph realized all of that, but if he didn't, he will one day and then he will find out just how important it was that He obeyed God's will. When he stands in heaven and looks around at the people whose sins have been washed away in the precious name of Jesus, Joseph will be glad that he did as the Lord said and named his son correctly! He'll be thankful that he just obeyed the Word of God!

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I did eventually find one song about Joseph -- not a song really, but a poem -- entitled Joseph's lullaby. I don't know who wrote it but I'll give it to you:

Joseph is the unsung hero of Christmas, but may we be much like him! May we learn to pray until we change, forgive until God moves, and obey God's Word no matter what the sacrifice! If we do, we may also never be sung about or have our name put up in lights, but we will join another unsung hero, Joseph, in heaven for eternity!